


Psycho Daddy

by Nectardust



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, Random - Freeform, Romance, Shotgun, crackfic, insane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 20:59:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19449421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nectardust/pseuds/Nectardust
Summary: Serena's dad goes psycho and chases Darien around Tokyo with a shotgun.





	Psycho Daddy

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in 2004. Unbeta'ed and unchanged from original post.

****Kenji Tsukino and his wife Irene were enjoying a relaxing day in the park. They hadn't really had much time alone anymore due to work and raising two mischievous children. They loved their children, but everyone needs a break once in awhile. And what better way to take a couple hour vacation from numerous responsibilities than by spending the time with your loved one?

At that moment the older couple was relaxing on a bench overlooking the lake. It was a sunny afternoon and only a few clouds drifted lazily across the bright blue sky. The temperature was warm but not too hot and it was the perfect atmosphere to relax. And Kenji and Irene were taking advantage of it, enjoying each other's company for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Until Kenji looked around the park and spotted something that made the peaceful environment dissolve into thin air. He wordlessly elbowed his wife in her ribcage and pointed across the lake. It was a bit far to make out a certain person, but the general idea was enough to make him explode.

Across the lake sat a younger couple on a bench, also taking advantage of the beautiful day. The girl was snuggled into the man's shoulder and his arm was held possessively around her waist. The man looked to be about 19 or 20 years old. He had jet-black hair and he was wearing a hideous green jacket, showing off his lack of fashion sense. The girl, however, was what upset Kenji. She was much younger than the male she was cuddled up against. Her face was buried in his shoulder but Kenji and Irene could distinctly distinguish the 'meatballs' on her head, with an extensive amount of golden hair falling almost to the ground.

Irene giggled slightly, seeing the sight the pair made. They actually looked quite good together. But Kenji only saw some strange older man embracing _his daughter_.

Something had to be done straight away! Nobody was allowed to touch his daughter like that! She was only 14! Granted, she was almost 15, but still!

He got up and marched down the park pathway, leaving his wife sitting alone. He reached the city streets and began searching for what he was looking for- AHA! There it was: A Gun Shop!

-+-

"Yes, Sir, may I help you?" asked the man behind the counter. He was hidden in shadows so Kenji couldn't see his face, but he was here for a gun, not to check some guy out.

"I want a gun," stated Kenji Tsukino loudly.

"Obviously, or you wouldn't be in a _gun_ shop," mocked the man in the shadows. "We have all kinds of guns...pistols, machine guns, shot-guns, you name it."

Mr. Tsukino thought for a moment. "How about a shot-gun?" he suggested, taking out his wallet. "I want the best you have."

"Certainly, Sir...now how about a certain brand? We just got this brand new shipment in of this new shot-gun called 'B.C.' Want to take a look? It was designed by the E.F.A.T.L.G.D.O."

Kenji's face held a blank expression on it. "...And what exactly does that stand for?"

The man behind the counter grinned eerily, making Kenji feel slightly uncomfortable. "The shot-gun B.C. stands for 'Boyfriends Castrated' and it was designed by the 'Enraged Fathers Against Their Little Girls Dating Organization." he explained.

Serena's father forgot his discomfort and his face broke out into a wide grin. "PERFECT! I'll take that one! That's exactly what I need it for..." He paid for the gun and left the shop, holding onto his new package as though it was a gift from God. "Don't I need a license to use this?" he asked himself, but shrugged it off. He made his way back to the park to see both his daughter and his wife joking with this college guy.

-+-

"Oh, Kenji! Wherever did you go? I was just meeting Serena's boyfriend. His name is Darien, come over and say 'hi'!" Irene called over to him.

Her husband gritted his teeth and stomped over to the three-some. His daughter and Darien were holding hands and staring into each other's eyes lovingly. He glared at Darien and brandished his package under the boy's nose, breaking his concentration away from his daughter. "Do you know what this is, boy?" he shrieked.

"N-no," stuttered Darien, frightened because of the wild stories he'd heard about his girlfriend's dad.

"This is a gun...and if you come near my daughter ever again, I will hunt you down with it!" Mr. Tsukino roared.

"Yes, Sir...wait, no! I love Serena. I can't stay away from her. I'd rather be near her for one moment and be shot to death by your hand than spend an eternity away from her side, safe from you," declared Darien, holding onto Serena's hand tighter.

"Awww..." Serena and Irene blushed at Darien's comments. Serena because she loved him and Irene because her daughter's catch was quite a romantic.

"I'll make you eat those words, young man!" roared the over-protective father. Carefully, he unwrapped the weapon and pointed it at his daughter's boyfriend.

Darien's eyes grew wide when he saw that Serena's dad actually _had_ brought a gun and was actually serious about killing him. He untangled his hands from Serena's and shot off after yelling a quick, "I love you, Serena! Even if I die, I'll always love you!" Serena and Irene swooned at his words and Kenji took chase after the terrified young man.

-+-

"Why did I have to date the girl with the psycho father?" Darien panted to himself as he sought a brief refuge in an alleyway. "Oh yeah," he reminded himself. "Because I love her."

Right then, Luna and Artemis strolled into the alleyway to fish through the garbage cans.

Darien stared at them quizzically. "Um, guys? Aren't you a bit more mature than to fish through a dirty garbage can? Serena and Mina take good care of you guys." The cats stared at him without expression.

"So, you talk to cats, eh?" wheezed a nearby voice. Darien spun around and came face to face with Kenji Tsukino. "I don't let my daughter date crazy young men. Forget that, I don't let my daughter date. Period. And you will pay for _touching my daughter!_ "

Luna swirled around in time to notice Darien fling himself over a fence at the opposite end of the alley, Kenji Tsukino in pursuit. She reflected on Serena's dads words for a second before shooting off after them. 'Nobody touches my charge! Darien, I trusted you with Serena...after all, you are destined to be together. But you don't touch her!' she ranted in her mind. Artemis was left to fish through the garbage by himself.

After about a half hour of chasing Darien through Tokyo, Kenji and Luna had him cornered against a wall with no escape. Kenji cocked his gun while Luna snarled at him and flexed her claws.

'Hm...one superhero versus an enraged father and an overprotective cat,' reasoned Darien in his mind. 'I wonder if roses would do any good against Serena's dad? But roses versus a gun? Wow, my weapon's wimpy...' He pulled himself back to Earth to listen to Mr. Tsukino rage. Of course, Luna had to keep silent lest she give herself away, but she still snarled and hissed.

"...and how dare you _touch_ my pure, innocent baby girl!"

"I didn't!" Darien defended himself. "I've never touched her in any way, shape, or form!" he protested against the raving lunatic.

" _You were holding her hand_!" screeched Kenji and put his finger over the trigger.

Luna stopped her threats. She had wasted a good half-hour's energy when she could have been spending time with Artemis because Darien and Serena were _holding hands_? She snorted and stalked away, ready to reclaim Artemis's attention.

Kenji watched his accomplice leave. It seemed to him that cat understood what was going on, as if she could understand speech...but no matter. He had to keep an eye on his target lest said target run away and escape his evil shot-gun.

'Great,' Darien thought to himself. 'I have no trouble facing youma who want to destroy my planet, yet I can't even protect myself from an infuriated parent? How did I ever survive so long in this world...?'

-+-

"Mom?" Serena got Irene's attention.

"Yes, dear?" Irene sat in Darien's vacated spot.

Serena's face was contorted into a thoughtful expression, something unusual for her. "Daddy's not really going to shoot my muffin, is he?" she choked out. "I can't live without my Muffin!" Cue famous Serena wail.

Irene tried to calm her daughter down, but to no avail. She herself didn't want to think of what her husband was capable of.

-+-

'I can't use my roses against an innocent mortal man...even if he is ready to shoot me for dating his daughter,' Darien reasoned with himself and came up with his useless solution. He slid to his knees and remembered all the times he and Serena had shared together. 'I'll never save her as Tuxedo Mask again, I'll never be able to taste her sweet lips again, I'll never get to hear her call me Her Muffin anymore...' A lone tear slid down his cheek as he screamed to the world, " _SHE'LL NEVER CALL ME MUFFIN ANYMORE!_ "

Kenji stopped at Darien's outburst. "My daughter calls you ' _Muffin_ '?" he blinked.

Darien nodded.

Kenji burst out laughing. He dropped his gun to hold his stomach. "She calls you...she calls you ' _Muffin_ '! I guess I'll let you live. The embarrassment she'll cause you will be my revenge...I couldn't bear to kill you now and miss out on all the things she'll do to make your life utterly miserable!"

"She doesn't make my life utterly miserable!" Darien scowled. "She's the light of my life and I love her for it!"

"You obviously don't know my daughter."

"I know a lot more about Serena than you do," Darien spit out. He was, of course, talking about her secret identity and past life on the Moon Kingdom.

And that, of course, got Kenji to think Darien was implying something else altogether. "HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER?" He picked up his gun and the chase was on. Again.

-+-

Darien led Kenji through the park, back to where his Meatball Head was still waiting for him on their bench. "Meatball Head!" he rasped out, catching his breath. " _Your...dad...is...PSYCHO_!" His eyes were wild with fear for his life. He'd never experienced this fear before, even while fighting deadly youma night after night.

Serena giggled. "You were fore-warned, Muffin."

Kenji came in time to hear his daughter's last word. Again, laughter erupted out of him. "You...call...him...Muffin!"

Serena looked at her love and then at her dad and then back to her love. "Darien, what happened with my dad?"

"Don't ask, Serena...just don't ask. I don't even know. And I don't want to know," he explained and plopped down on the bench.

Irene walked over to her husband and calmed him down. "Sweetie, let's leave them alone for awhile, ok? Drop the gun."

Her husband pointed it at Darien and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. Both Serena and Darien were paralyzed with shock that he'd actually tried to shoot...

Kenji's face fell. "I guess when I bought the gun, I forgot to buy bullets."

Darien, Serena, and Irene all breathed a sigh of relief. Then, a police officer came over. "Sir? You are handling a weapon in a public park. I'm going to need you to come down to the office for questioning, and may I see you Shooting License? What are you hunting today?"

"I'm hunting obnoxious boyfriends," ground out Kenji. "Make that...I'm hunting Dariens."

"Hm, I've never heard of those before," confessed the officer. "That makes it even worse. You'll have to be put in jail for trying to hunt endangered species." She grabbed him by the ear and pulled him along to her squad car. Irene hurried after her husband.

Darien and Serena watched with shock. "What just happened?" they asked one another. With no answer, they sought comfort in each other and snuggled close together to continue their date.

What had started out as a peaceful day had turned into one hell of a disaster.


End file.
